soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
