im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
