I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come on in and take your pants off
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