That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
