I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
