we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
