So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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