True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
