i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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