Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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