did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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