I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
