i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
