We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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