My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
