I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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