Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
