You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
