I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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