Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
