It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
