1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
