Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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