dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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