i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
