I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
