She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
