i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
