Fine. I'll sleep in my office
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
