they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
