your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
