We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
