Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
