I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
