yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
