No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
