Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
