Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
