On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
