There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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