I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
