We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
