If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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