Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
