I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
