how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
