i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
