Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
