Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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