Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
