I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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