"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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