that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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