So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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