Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
