i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
