And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
