Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
